Living With a College Roommate
or Who Ate My Yogurt?
by Hanne Moon
When I think of roommates, I immediately think of the Odd Couple. You know, Oscar and Felix—one a slob, the other an obsessive-compulsive neatnik. (Kind of like my children, but I’m not calling any names. They know where I live…). The sitcom was hysterical, but real life isn’t always as funny.
The Roommate Treasure Hunt
Most universities now require freshmen to live in the dorms, and it’s hard enough to prepare yourself for your child living with someone you don’t know. How do you help her to prepare for living with a total stranger?
- Encourage him to start looking for his roommate the minute he registers. My daughters, Misty and Nikki, were fortunate to be going to college in the city we lived, so they started looking for roommates before their senior year of high school was over.
Misty found her roommate while visiting the college campus. She ran into a friend that was a year ahead of her, and also looking for someone to room with.
- Churches that have campus ministries may have a list of students looking for dorm mates. Contact them and let them know that your child is interested in rooming with a fellow Christian.
- Utilize the roommate finder program at the university. These programs are designed to help people find roommates that are compatible with them. Once your child selects a roommate, they will be given each other’s contact information so the two of them can get to know one another before moving in together.
- Help her understand that her best friend in high school may not make the ideal roommate. Conflicts over quiet time and guests can drive a wedge in the best of friendships.
Nikki was in the lobby of her dorm and spotted a poster her best friend and roommate had put up. It invited the entire west end of the dorm to a party in their room – on a school night in the middle of exam week! Surprises like that can tear the best of friendships apart.
Living Together in Perfect Harmony—NOT!
Once your child has been assigned his roommate, how does he proceed from there? What steps can he take to make living together easier and to resolve conflicts when they arise?
- Communication is essential to living harmoniously with another person. Encourage your child to get to know his roommate’s habits and beliefs by connecting with him by phone or email. The time to find out your daughter’s roommate is a voodoo priestess or party animal is before move-in day, while other arrangements can still be made.
- The roommates should hammer out the ground rules of living together and what’s expected of each party. Many universities today encourage roommates to draw up a contract that everyone signs, spelling out clear expectations of consideration and respect for study times, personal property, and sleep habits among other things. Encourage your child to make their own Roommate Contract or print out ours found in Appendix A.
Misty is very hypoglycemic, and without adequate rest her blood sugar levels crash. Her night-owl roommate was a source of constant stress in trying to get a good night’s sleep. Their friendship has survived, but only after they chose other people to live with. Had they discussed these issues before they roomed together, they could have avoided a great deal of stress.
- There should be guidelines for guests, girlfriends, and boyfriends that everyone adheres to. They may discuss implementing a curfew for all guests. Their dorm room is their home, not a way station. Everyone living there should feel free to relax at certain times without the concern that someone may barge in.
- Chores and cleaning should be shared by all. They could make a roster of what needs to be done, and alternate tasks among the roommates.
As everyone settles down into a routine, they may find that one person is a natural cook, while another is an organizational whiz. Everyone can gravitate to those things they do well, and share in the more mundane tasks like vacuuming and picking up.
- If there are conflicts that can’t be resolved, then a resident assistant (RA) can be called in. An RA is an upperclassman that has been trained to mediate in the more common conflicts of dorm life. Your child will be introduced to their RA the day they move in.
- If all else fails, and your child absolutely cannot live another minute with his roommate, they can petition the university for a room reassignment. The department that handles this is different at each school. Your child’s RA will be able to give him the information he needs if this step becomes necessary.
In this time of transition, the most important thing your child can learn is to pray for God’s wisdom and direction. Even if your child hasn’t met his or her roommate, encourage him or her to pray for this person, that God will bless and keep His hand on your child’s roommate.
Sometimes it can feel as if we’re relinquishing our children to a netherworld of dangers where there are no controls. We want desperately to hold on to them for fear of what lurks around the corner. However, the greatest gift we can give them is an absolute faith and trust – not in a fallible, human parent, but in an eternal Father that is ever by their sides, guiding and leading them more perfectly than we ever could.